On Preparing

We leave for the hospital tonight. Aidan’s hip surgery is scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning. After months of fretting the unknown, and then gaining a better understanding of the procedure and recovery, we are ready. We have confidence that we’re in very good medical hands and have been surrounded by tons of support.

We know what we fear. It’s not the actual medical procedure, though I don’t love the idea of cutting into bone – a substance that indicates strength, power, and growth. It’s not even the anesthesia, though in his deepest self Aidan has never been a champion breather and I don’t love the idea of silencing all of the systems in his body that have worked so hard for progress over the past 11 years.

It’s his pain. Aidan is non-verbal, and while I feel confident that I’ll know that he is in pain, I won’t necessarily know why. It’s a new part of our journey.

So we’ve been preparing. We’re packing our favorite pillows and blankets. I’ve washed his  Ugly Butt to pack, which is actually a stuffed animal of sorts; one of those things Aidan has come to love that I think is particularly….ugly. I’ve packed some books I’ve been wanting to read and have anticipated some quiet time to write. I’ve always shunned my cell phone, not wanting to be found at any given moment. Now I’ve charged it and will have it on at all times ready to be fully accessible.

Then there is the 8×10 photo of Liam and Aidan at the beach. I’ll hang it near Aidan’s bed so he can see his brother. I remember arriving at the NICU one morning years ago to find that Aidan’s bassinet was decorated with photos and notes. I was so angry that Garreth had done that. “Don’t make this so comfy. We’re taking him home soon!”  Soon ended up being three months.

This time is different in many ways. I know Aidan now. That makes it harder. But I also know what to expect and his hospital stay will be finite. With that in mind, I put together a NICU care package for another mom; an acknowledgement that I’ve been there and this place I’m going now is so different.

Aidan’s birthday is next week. Twelve years ago I sat down at this time to do my taxes, wanting to have them done before sleepless night made it impossible. I sat down this weekend to do my taxes again. All of these memories coming back to me. I was so frustrated that my tax program wasn’t communicating well with me and why did they want to know so many ridiculous details anyway and it’s not even that important! I could feel all of my brain energy focused on medical information and healing; numbers are just not important right now.

So I’m a little scattered but I have my list to help me move forward today. And I’m ready. Aidan will be safe, I will be drained, and we will be ok.

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I will have computer access during our stay and am anticipating keeping the blog updated with his progress. I will also be able to communicate through email and FaceBook.

Knowing that there are readers who will be having a similiar surgery, I’m going to post as much helpful information as I can, but let me throw in my disclosure now that this is just Aidan’s experience. Though the surgeries may be similar, the details may be different and each doctor makes different decisions, not right/wrong decision, just different.

Please check out the amazing progress of our house renovations here.

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