How My Husband is NOT Romantic

So if you had been following me on Facebook you would know that in advance of my recent 40th birthday my husband did the following things:

brought me home a whoopee pie and stuck some candles in it,bought me a dozen red roses,and then deep purple lilies,wrote our vows on the bathroom mirror,packed me a snack for a long day and cut my cheese in the shape of hearts,decorated a coffee cup to say “Cup of Love”, bought me jewelry, and several varieties of chocolate.

For my birthday he got me a t-shirt with my tattoo on it (the one I don’t have on my body). It reads Muirnin 15. Muirnin is Gaelic for “Beloved” and is written on his wedding ring. 15 represents the percent of couples (if you believe in fuzzy math) who are raising a child with a disability and remain married.

His siblings think he’s under the thumb.

The women in my life think he’s amaaaaaaazing.

And the men probably think he’s a show off.

I’m here to tell you that he’s a lot of wonderful things, but he’s not a romantic. Ok, that list of stuff…sure, it’s pretty darn romantic. The thing is, all of it takes great effort for him. With each sappy, romantic thing on that list, Garreth chose me.

Between these grand gestures, there’s a wilderness of unexpressed affection. Garreth is not a particularly demonstrative nor communicative person. These are all of the real spaces where our marriage is lived out. Together we are joyful, hurt, sad, intimate, lonely, fun, healthy, kinda crazy, and a whole lot of other things.

Garreth chooses me in those moments I’ve spent money and instead of panicing he says, “You look beautiful. Give me a fashion show.” (Seriously, I’m a bargain basement shopper so the panic is hardly necessary). He chose me when he drove to the airport to dust the snow off my car. He chooses me when he does dinner alone with the boys because I just have to write. He chooses me every sunday morning when he has “awake snug” with me; those moments in bed where he brings me coffee and we just wake up slowly together.

In my loneliest moments, I choose Garreth because he is a man of integrity who is gentle, kind, and generous to everyone. I’ll take that over flowers and chocolates any day (but don’t tell him that b/c I kinda love that list too). He deserves for me to believe the best of him without assigning negative intentions to his inaction.

We’re not together because “divorce isn’t an option” nor are we together because our marriage is easygoing and full of romance. Garreth and I remain in that 15% because we continue to take the necessary risks to fall forward and support each other even when the 85% is pounding at the door.

Shared at Joy in this Journey

 
Shared at Elizabeth Esther

18 thoughts on “How My Husband is NOT Romantic

  1. As one of the people who stood up proudly at your wedding and affirmed your choosing of each other, I can say (with tears in my eyes) that I am so proud of you both. This is not easy, this path you’re on (the marriage or the other stuff that is too much for the 85%), but you’re on it together! Happy Birthday. And yes, you deserved every single things that he did for you!

  2. I went into this article laughing at you (because Garreth IS outrageously romantic by mere mortals’ standards) and came out teary-eyed. As a fellow member of “The 15 Club,” I appreciate your hard work together so much. You are both very lucky.

    • Oh Shasta, I think it’s one of those Urban Legends. I heard it at a parenting conference when Aidan was first born. It’s been thrown around (undocumented) in books and also on my very favorite show “Parenthood.” It’s easy to believe but also not statistically accurate. The thing is, it got in my head and did crazy things. We fight like hell for our marriage but the statistics suck for everyone so I’m ok going all out for us.

  3. You guys are a perfect match and I think it’s awesome that you’re committed and are in that 15%.

    And when you say he’s not romantic…I say bologna. He’s pretty darn romantic. 🙂

  4. Wow. So, so gorgeous.

    This?

    “We’re not together because “divorce isn’t an option” nor are we together because our marriage is easygoing and full of romance. Garreth and I remain in that 15% because we continue to take the necessary risks to fall forward and support each other even when the 85% is pounding at the door.”

    YES!

  5. Love this post! Marriage is a ministry and I pray that you remain in that 15% because you choose to, in the little things everyday! Can’t think of anything more romantic, love this post!

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